Working on our marriages

"Everybody has heard the saying, it takes two to tango, right? Many take that to mean that both people have to take dance lessons to do it right. But what it really means is, if just one person learns some new steps, some new moves if you will, and does something differently, the whole dance can change.
Let me tell you a real-life example that just happened the other day. We heard from one of our email list members, Charlie. He’d read a few of our articles, watched a few of our videos and was considering buying the System. He wanted it because he and his wife, Cindy, had been fighting over a messy house for over 20 years. He’s a neat freak and she apparently is a bit of a slob. So, his way of dealing with this was to go to work all day, come home and complain about the house -- pretty much making Cindy feel lousy about herself until they went to bed.
There was a glitch, though. Charlie told us that Cindy, was working all day and taking care of their four kids and she had no interest in putting one more thing on her plate. In other words, she wasn’t willing at this time to try out the Save My Marriage System with him. We assured him that just one person applying the lessons can make a big difference. He went ahead and bought the System and later contacted us. He told us that after watching the sections on Understanding Each Other and Resolving Conflict, he had decided to change his approach. He stopped complaining and blaming and took the time to find out what was really going on with Cindy. As you can imagine, she was more than happy to tell him! Turns out that Cindy had all kinds of reasons for not cleaning the house, some from her childhood, some based on her and Charlie’s relationship, and some just out of sheer exhaustion.
Once Charlie figured this out and what was really going on with Cindy, two things happened. One, he stepped up and started helping a lot more, but more importantly, Cindy stepped up once she felt like Charlie really understood her. Miraculously, Charlie reports that the house is clean today. On a side note, when this was so effective, Cindy did finally actually agree to use the System. So what’s the moral of the story, one person learning a new skill and changing their behavior, changing their steps, if you will, can dramatically change the dance."

As Ghandi said “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Got this story here

"Marriage is both a commandment and an exalting principle of the gospel. ^{(Joseph Fielding Smith)} Because it is ordained of God, the intimate physical expressions of married love are sacred. Yet all too commonly, these divine gifts are desecrated. If a couple allows lewd language or pornography to corrupt their intimacy, they offend their Creator while they degrade and diminish their own divine gifts. True happiness is predicated upon personal purity. ^{(Alma 41:10)} Scripture commands: “Be ye clean.” ^{(D&C 38:42;Isa. 52:11; 3 Ne. 20:41; D&C 133:5,)} Marriage should ever be a covenant to lift husbands and wives to exaltation in celestial glory."

"As I meet with priesthood leaders, I often ask about the priorities of their various responsibilities. Usually they mention their important Church duties to which they have been called. Too few remember their responsibilities at home. Yet priesthood offices, keys, callings, and quorums are meant to exalt families. ^{(D&C 23:3)} Priesthood authority has been restored so that families can be sealed eternally. So brethren, your foremost priesthood duty is to nurture your marriage—to care for, respect, honor, and love your wife. Be a blessing to her and your children."

"appreciate, to communicate, and to contemplate."

"...As grateful partners look for the good in each other and sincerely pay compliments to one another, wives and husbands will strive to become the persons described in those compliments."

"Couples need private time to observe, to talk, and really listen to each other. They need to cooperate—helping each other as equal partners."

" If couples contemplate often—with each other in the temple—sacred covenants will be better remembered and kept. Frequent participation in temple service and regular family scripture study nourish a marriage and strengthen faith within a family."

"Above all, do not be selfish! Generate a spirit of selflessness and generosity. Celebrate and commemorate each day together as a treasured gift from heaven."

Nurturing Marriage

Russell M. Nelson
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Celestial Marriage

"The importance of choice may be illustrated by a homespun concept that came to mind one day when I was shopping in a large retail store. I call it “patterns of the shopper.” As shopping is part of our daily life, these patterns may be familiar.

Wise shoppers study their options thoroughly before they make a selection. They focus primarily on the quality and durability of a desired product. They want the very best. In contrast, some shoppers look for bargains, and others may splurge, only to learn later—much to their dismay—that their choice did not endure well. And sadly, there are those rare individuals who cast aside their personal integrity and steal what they want. We call them shoplifters.

The patterns of the shopper may be applied to the topic of marriage. A couple in love can choose a marriage of the highest quality or a lesser type that will not endure. Or they can choose neither and brazenly steal what they want as “marital shoplifters.”"

"...marriage between a man and a woman is sacred—it is ordained of God. ^{(D&C 49:15–17)} I also assert the virtue of a temple marriage. It is the highest and most enduring type of marriage that our Creator can offer to His children."

"...salvation is an individual matter, exaltation is a family matter. ^{(Russell M. Nelson)} Only those who are married in the temple and whose marriage is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise will continue as spouses after death ^{(D&C 76:53; 132:7)} and receive the highest degree of celestial glory, or exaltation."

"...our Heavenly Father has restored priesthood keys in this dispensation so that essential ordinances in His plan can be performed by proper authority."

"...[Heavenly Father’s great] plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.” ^{(Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)"}

^"...proclamation on the family helps us realize that celestial marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other relationship. (“Nurturing Marriage,”) ^"

^"...“it is lawful that [a man] should have one wife, and they twain shall be one flesh..."

"...“the man [is not] without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” ^{(1 Corinthians 11:11)} Thus, marriage is not only an exalting principle of the gospel; it is a divine commandment."

"...To qualify for eternal life, we must make an eternal and everlasting covenant with our Heavenly Father. ^{(D&C 132:19)} This means that a temple marriage is not only between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God. ^{(Matthew 19:6)"}

^"...“husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” ^{(Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)} Children born of that union are “an heritage of the Lord.” ^{(Psalm 127:3)} When a family is sealed in the temple, that family may become as eternal as the kingdom of God itself. ^{(D&C 132:19–20) "}

 "...mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in a marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness."

“To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty—the fulfillment of which brings true joy.” ^{(President Monson)"} 

"Harmony in marriage comes only when one esteems the welfare of his or her spouse among the highest of priorities. When that really happens, a celestial marriage becomes a reality, bringing great joy in this life and in the life to come."

"The best choice is a celestial marriage. Thankfully, if a lesser choice has previously been made, a choice can now be made to upgrade it to the best choice. That requires a mighty change of heart ^{(Alma 5:12–14, Moroni 10:32)} and a permanent personal upgrade."

"The full realization of the blessings of a temple marriage is almost beyond our mortal comprehension. Such a marriage will continue to grow in the celestial realm. There we can become perfected."

"Celestial marriage is a pivotal part of preparation for eternal life. It requires one to be married to the right person, in the right place, by the right authority, and to obey that sacred covenant faithfully. ^{(Bruce R. McConkie)} Then one may be assured of exaltation in the celestial kingdom of God. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Celestial Marriage 

Elder Russell M. Nelson
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles