Working on our marriages

"Everybody has heard the saying, it takes two to tango, right? Many take that to mean that both people have to take dance lessons to do it right. But what it really means is, if just one person learns some new steps, some new moves if you will, and does something differently, the whole dance can change.
Let me tell you a real-life example that just happened the other day. We heard from one of our email list members, Charlie. He’d read a few of our articles, watched a few of our videos and was considering buying the System. He wanted it because he and his wife, Cindy, had been fighting over a messy house for over 20 years. He’s a neat freak and she apparently is a bit of a slob. So, his way of dealing with this was to go to work all day, come home and complain about the house -- pretty much making Cindy feel lousy about herself until they went to bed.
There was a glitch, though. Charlie told us that Cindy, was working all day and taking care of their four kids and she had no interest in putting one more thing on her plate. In other words, she wasn’t willing at this time to try out the Save My Marriage System with him. We assured him that just one person applying the lessons can make a big difference. He went ahead and bought the System and later contacted us. He told us that after watching the sections on Understanding Each Other and Resolving Conflict, he had decided to change his approach. He stopped complaining and blaming and took the time to find out what was really going on with Cindy. As you can imagine, she was more than happy to tell him! Turns out that Cindy had all kinds of reasons for not cleaning the house, some from her childhood, some based on her and Charlie’s relationship, and some just out of sheer exhaustion.
Once Charlie figured this out and what was really going on with Cindy, two things happened. One, he stepped up and started helping a lot more, but more importantly, Cindy stepped up once she felt like Charlie really understood her. Miraculously, Charlie reports that the house is clean today. On a side note, when this was so effective, Cindy did finally actually agree to use the System. So what’s the moral of the story, one person learning a new skill and changing their behavior, changing their steps, if you will, can dramatically change the dance."

As Ghandi said “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Got this story here

"Marriage is both a commandment and an exalting principle of the gospel. ^{(Joseph Fielding Smith)} Because it is ordained of God, the intimate physical expressions of married love are sacred. Yet all too commonly, these divine gifts are desecrated. If a couple allows lewd language or pornography to corrupt their intimacy, they offend their Creator while they degrade and diminish their own divine gifts. True happiness is predicated upon personal purity. ^{(Alma 41:10)} Scripture commands: “Be ye clean.” ^{(D&C 38:42;Isa. 52:11; 3 Ne. 20:41; D&C 133:5,)} Marriage should ever be a covenant to lift husbands and wives to exaltation in celestial glory."

"As I meet with priesthood leaders, I often ask about the priorities of their various responsibilities. Usually they mention their important Church duties to which they have been called. Too few remember their responsibilities at home. Yet priesthood offices, keys, callings, and quorums are meant to exalt families. ^{(D&C 23:3)} Priesthood authority has been restored so that families can be sealed eternally. So brethren, your foremost priesthood duty is to nurture your marriage—to care for, respect, honor, and love your wife. Be a blessing to her and your children."

"appreciate, to communicate, and to contemplate."

"...As grateful partners look for the good in each other and sincerely pay compliments to one another, wives and husbands will strive to become the persons described in those compliments."

"Couples need private time to observe, to talk, and really listen to each other. They need to cooperate—helping each other as equal partners."

" If couples contemplate often—with each other in the temple—sacred covenants will be better remembered and kept. Frequent participation in temple service and regular family scripture study nourish a marriage and strengthen faith within a family."

"Above all, do not be selfish! Generate a spirit of selflessness and generosity. Celebrate and commemorate each day together as a treasured gift from heaven."

Nurturing Marriage

Russell M. Nelson
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Celestial Marriage

"The importance of choice may be illustrated by a homespun concept that came to mind one day when I was shopping in a large retail store. I call it “patterns of the shopper.” As shopping is part of our daily life, these patterns may be familiar.

Wise shoppers study their options thoroughly before they make a selection. They focus primarily on the quality and durability of a desired product. They want the very best. In contrast, some shoppers look for bargains, and others may splurge, only to learn later—much to their dismay—that their choice did not endure well. And sadly, there are those rare individuals who cast aside their personal integrity and steal what they want. We call them shoplifters.

The patterns of the shopper may be applied to the topic of marriage. A couple in love can choose a marriage of the highest quality or a lesser type that will not endure. Or they can choose neither and brazenly steal what they want as “marital shoplifters.”"

"...marriage between a man and a woman is sacred—it is ordained of God. ^{(D&C 49:15–17)} I also assert the virtue of a temple marriage. It is the highest and most enduring type of marriage that our Creator can offer to His children."

"...salvation is an individual matter, exaltation is a family matter. ^{(Russell M. Nelson)} Only those who are married in the temple and whose marriage is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise will continue as spouses after death ^{(D&C 76:53; 132:7)} and receive the highest degree of celestial glory, or exaltation."

"...our Heavenly Father has restored priesthood keys in this dispensation so that essential ordinances in His plan can be performed by proper authority."

"...[Heavenly Father’s great] plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.” ^{(Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)"}

^"...proclamation on the family helps us realize that celestial marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other relationship. (“Nurturing Marriage,”) ^"

^"...“it is lawful that [a man] should have one wife, and they twain shall be one flesh..."

"...“the man [is not] without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” ^{(1 Corinthians 11:11)} Thus, marriage is not only an exalting principle of the gospel; it is a divine commandment."

"...To qualify for eternal life, we must make an eternal and everlasting covenant with our Heavenly Father. ^{(D&C 132:19)} This means that a temple marriage is not only between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God. ^{(Matthew 19:6)"}

^"...“husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” ^{(Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)} Children born of that union are “an heritage of the Lord.” ^{(Psalm 127:3)} When a family is sealed in the temple, that family may become as eternal as the kingdom of God itself. ^{(D&C 132:19–20) "}

 "...mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in a marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness."

“To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty—the fulfillment of which brings true joy.” ^{(President Monson)"} 

"Harmony in marriage comes only when one esteems the welfare of his or her spouse among the highest of priorities. When that really happens, a celestial marriage becomes a reality, bringing great joy in this life and in the life to come."

"The best choice is a celestial marriage. Thankfully, if a lesser choice has previously been made, a choice can now be made to upgrade it to the best choice. That requires a mighty change of heart ^{(Alma 5:12–14, Moroni 10:32)} and a permanent personal upgrade."

"The full realization of the blessings of a temple marriage is almost beyond our mortal comprehension. Such a marriage will continue to grow in the celestial realm. There we can become perfected."

"Celestial marriage is a pivotal part of preparation for eternal life. It requires one to be married to the right person, in the right place, by the right authority, and to obey that sacred covenant faithfully. ^{(Bruce R. McConkie)} Then one may be assured of exaltation in the celestial kingdom of God. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Celestial Marriage 

Elder Russell M. Nelson
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Becoming Equal Partners

"...the restored gospel teaches the eternal idea that husbands and wives are interdependent with each other. They are equal. They are partners."

"The incorrect idea in Christian history that wives should be dependent began with the false premise that the Fall of Adam and Eve was a tragic mistake and that Eve was the primary culprit. Thus women’s traditional submission to men was considered a fair punishment for Eve’s sin. ²

Thankfully, the Restoration clarifies Eve’s—and Adam’s—choice as essential to the eternal progression of God’s children. We honor rather than condemn what they did, and we see Adam and Eve as equal partners."

"...no one has the right to define gender-based roles."

"...pushed some women from being overly selfless to being overly selfish—causing them to miss the personal growth that can come only from self-chosen sacrifice, which makes possible a woman’s ability to thrive from nurturing all within her circle (see John 17:19)"

"Eve was Adam’s “help meet” (Genesis 2:18). The original Hebrew for meet means that Eve was adequate for, or equal to, Adam. She wasn’t his servant or his subordinate. And the Hebrew for help in “help meet” is ezer, a term meaning that Eve drew on heavenly powers when she supplied their marriage with the spiritual instincts uniquely available to women as a gender gift."

"Genesis 3:16 states that Adam is to “rule over” Eve, but this doesn’t make Adam a dictator. A ruler can be a measuring tool that sets standards. Then Adam would live so that others may measure the rightness of their conduct by watching his. Being a ruler is not so much a privilege of power as an obligation to practice what a man preaches. Also, over in “rule over” uses the Hebrew bet, which means ruling with, not ruling over. If a man does exercise “dominion … in any degree of unrighteousness” (D&C 121:37; emphasis added), God terminates that man’s authority."

"She is to follow him [only] as he follows and obeys the Savior of the world, but in deciding [whether he is obeying Christ], she should always be sure she is fair.” ⁵ In this way, President Kimball saw marriage “as a full partnership,” stating, “We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners” but rather “a contributing and full partner.”

"In an equal-partner marriage, “love is not possession but participation … part of that co-creation which is our human calling.” ⁹ With true participation, husband and wife merge into the synergistic oneness of an “everlasting dominion” that “without compulsory means” will flow with spiritual life to them and their posterity “forever and ever” (D&C 121:46)."

"Spouses are not a soloist with an accompanist, nor are they two solos. They are the interdependent parts of a duet, singing together in harmony at a level where no solo can go."

"Temple marriage covenants do not magically bring equality to a partnership. Those covenants commit us to a developmental process of learning and growing together—by practice."

"But equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time. And getting there is hard work—like patiently working through differing assumptions about who was bringing relief to whom that night or any of thousands of nights like it."

Crossing Thresholds andBecoming Equal Partners

By Elder Bruce C. Hafen

Of the Seventy and Marie K. Hafen

Come unto Christ

“Behold I say unto you, that as these things are true, and as the Lord God liveth, there is none other name given under heaven save it be this Jesus Christ, of which I have spoken, whereby man can be saved.”

"...if they would keep a covenant to obey the Savior’s commandments, He would keep His covenant with them to lead them toward eternal life."

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Come unto Christ
By President Henry B. Eyring

Marriage is Essential to His Plan?

"We have been counseled strongly by the First Presidency to devote our best efforts to the strengthening of marriage and the home. Such instruction has never been more needed in the world than it is today, as the sanctity of marriage is attacked and the importance of the home is undermined."

“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and … has a divine nature and destiny.”

"By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11; )."

"By divine design, both a man and a woman are needed to bring children into mortality and to provide the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children."

"Elder Parley P. Pratt expressed beautifully the blessings that come to us as we learn about, understand, and strive to apply in our lives the doctrinal ideal of marriage:

“It was Joseph Smith who taught me how to prize the endearing relationships of father and mother, husband and wife; of brother and sister, son and daughter.

“It was from him that I learned that the wife of my bosom might be secured to me for time and all eternity; and that the refined sympathies and affections which endeared us to each other emanated from the fountain of divine eternal love. …

“I had loved before, but I knew not why. But now I loved—with a pureness—an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the transitory things of this grovelling sphere and expand it as the ocean. … In short, I could now love with the spirit and with the understanding also."

Satan desires that all men and women might be miserable like unto himself....

"...to hinder righteous marriage precisely because marriage is ordained of God and the family is central to the plan of happiness. The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication."

"The Father’s plan is designed to provide direction for His children, to help them become happy, and to bring them safely home to Him. Lucifer’s attacks on the plan are intended to make the sons and daughters of God confused and unhappy and to halt their eternal progression. The overarching intent of the father of lies is that all of us would become “miserable like unto himself” (2 Ne. 2:27)"

"As we look beyond mortality and into eternity, it is easy to discern that the counterfeit alternatives the adversary advocates can never lead to the completeness that is made possible through the sealing together of a man and a woman, to the happiness of righteous marriage, to the joy of posterity, or to the blessing of eternal progression.

Given what we know about our enemy’s intent, each of us should be especially vigilant in seeking personal inspiration as to how we can protect and safeguard our own marriages—and how we can learn and teach correct principles in the home and in our Church assignments about the eternal significance of gender and of the role of marriage in the Father’s plan."

The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together.

As a husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord (see 3 Ne. 27:14), as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants."

"Eternal marriage is not merely a temporary legal contract that can be terminated at any time for almost any reason. Rather, it is a sacred covenant with God that can be binding in time and throughout all eternity. Faithfulness and fidelity in marriage must not simply be attractive words spoken in sermons; rather, they should be principles evident in our own covenant marriage relationships."

"The sweet and simple doctrine of the plan of happiness provides precious eternal perspective and helps us understand the importance of eternal marriage. We have been blessed with all of the spiritual resources we need. We have the fulness of the doctrine of Jesus Christ. We have the Holy Ghost and revelation. We have saving ordinances, covenants, and temples. We have priesthood and prophets. We have the holy scriptures and the power of the word of God. And we have The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

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Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan

byElder David A. Bednar

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles